Tuesday, 26 November 2019

Just the Fax Ma'am (A Vark Wars Story.)

Hi, Everybody!

Vark Wars comes out tomorrow, it's too late to get yourself a Vark Wars shirt when you go pick it up, but don't forget to order your House of Cerebus and The Silver Cerebus, your life can't be complete without them*.

Speaking of the Vark Wars, at the end of Steve Peters Week 2, I faxed Dave the "Steve Peters Week 3-D" gag, and he faxed back:

So, there's gonna be a Vark Wars 2.

The Cerebus in Hell? brain-trust and I got to work.
Click to see the NOT FINAL cover bigger....

My first thought was a teaser in the back of the issue before:
Dave said he'd bump whatever issue of CiH? was on the schedule to do Vark Wars 2. so THIS strip goes on the inside back cover to the issue BEFORE Vark Wars 2:

Inset panel in panel one: A comet or meteor shooting through the sky crashing into the ground. SFX on bottom of inset: BOOM
Panel one: A smoking crater in hell (I'd use the Nietzsche panel and take him out.) with two black half circles rising out of it. Robotic caption: [Redacted to NOT spoil the strip-Matt]
Panel two: The black circles have risen out of the crater, and revealed themselves as an Imperial Probe Droid with Mickey Mouse ears. Robotic caption: [Also Redacted.-Matt]
Panel three: Close-up of Batvark looking through binoculars. The Imperial Probe Droid is reflected in the binoculars. Robotic caption reflected in binoculars:[So much redaction....-Matt]
Panel four: Close-up Batvark with the binoculars lowered. Caption Batvark: Well shit....
Text bottom of panel four: COMING SOON: VARK WARS WALT'S EMPIRE STRIKES BACK (with that as the Vark Wars Walt's Empire Strikes Back Logo)
After-gag: [Redacted because it's not funny with out the other stuff-Matt]

I can draw a prototype if the staging is unclear...
Well, Superman's Frenemy: David Birdsong said, "Yes."

I drew this:

Click to see the glory! [Uh, that's NOT the REAL dialogue...-Matt]

Well, Benjamin Hobbs said:
Can we just run that as is?
Well, I faxed up to Dave and said:
I’m not gonna lie Dave, I WAS just gonna storyboard the strip, but then I thought, “all I’m doing is laying out the panels, I don’t need to use the ACTUAL dialogue, they have the script.” And much like the penciled Martin Luther King (that’s says “Whatchu talkin’ ‘bout Dave Sim?”) in my first glamourpuss pitch, the alternate dialogue JUST POPPED IN THERE…

I think it’s funny.

I’ve been quietly laughing and saying “I’ma kill your stupid dick…” to myself every ten minutes since.

What have you turned us into?!?

Mr. the Dow
 And got this response:
But, alas, Dave also said that he's not running a teaser. It's strip #1 now.

So, there ya go.

I'm thinking I might do drawings of the whole book, and release it as "Vark Wars: The WTF Edition" (Would anybody buy it? Sound off in the comments....)

Next Time: Vark Wars comes out. Hobbs has more details....

*Well, it could be, but would it be complete, really?


Larry Wooten said...

The WTF Edition. Absolutely.

Birdsong said...
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Dion said...

Just to flog Matt a bit more have you considered a third ‘Return of the Vark’ one as well (these Star Wars things tend to come in trilogies)

Slumbering Agartha said...

Can someone catch me up? Are these parody issues collections of the four panel strips "Cerebus in Hell"? Is Dave still writing/illustrating any of them? Who is doing what?

Birdsong said...
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Mouse Skull Entertainment said...


I'm starting to plot/script "Vark Wars: Episode 6: Return of the Ha-Ha* (*title not final)" tonight/tomorrow.

And if these things keep selling, there are four pages plotted for the first "prequel" one.

(It's kinda fun. Kinda.)

Mouse Skull Entertainment said...

And I only wrote 5/6ths of Walt's Empire, so if you think any of them aren't funny, I didn't write those....