Monday, 18 June 2012

Before Kickstarter

Cerebus #36 (March 1982)
Art by Dave Sim
(from Glamourpuss #25, May 2012)
I really need to thank you at this point Eddie [Khanna], for all of your helpful research assistance. You've definitely turned up more than a few missing pieces... as we shall see... in the perplexing construct / enactment of Raymond's death that I've been mulling over for a couple of decades now.

...See, and to me, I've made such a mess of things - barely hanging onto enough circulation to not get dropped by Diamond. 3,000 copies down from a high of 37,000 on Cerebus No. 100. Practically back to what I sold of Cerebus No. 1! The deafening silence, the universal hatred and shunning.

It's very gratifying to have someone to discuss these things with but I'm always leery of whether the subjects we're discussing - my structural way of looking at things - just lead in generally bad directions, personally, and that I should be cautioning people like you about that. It's why I'm not unsympathetic to Margaret Mitchell... or her glamour. My own "pariah-dom" isn't emotion-based or experienced emotionally, but I do spend a lot of time checking my own math, going back over all of my decisions and assessments.

Where did I go wrong? And if I didn't go wrong - (given that I don't believe "he who dies with the most toys wins": I incline more toward Keith Richards' viewpoint: as long as he could afford guitar picks, everything else was just gravy) - why am I perennially hitting these "low ebb" points? Just barely get Gerhard paid off and I hit a perfect storm of multiple paperbacks going out of print. Having pursued the course I have, I seem always to be in a situation where I can't tell if I'm on an irrevocable downward spiral, ascendant or just treading water. I can make a persuasive case for all three. I don't  know - and seem to have no way of knowing - if that's inevitable and implicit in the way I live and how I see things. If I knew it was, I'd warn you and others - "here there be monsters". It's not a pleasant way to live.

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