A Podcast and Seiler's box walk into a bar...

Hi Everybody!

Boy howdy the Ol' AMOC mailbag gets some neat stuff...

This is pretty much what happens every time I check momentofcerebus@gmail.com  

Like THIS:

Afternoon,

Dave Sim suggested I get in contact with Matt Dow of this site.

I recorded an episode with Mr. Sim a couple of weeks ago for my Podcast called Not So Boring Conversations. Mr. Sim suggested that I let you know when the episode is posted he thought you may want to post it to your site.

The episode can be found here

http://www.notsoboringconversations.com/index.php?id=38

Thank you for your time,

Jay.

I've listened to it already, and it's pretty sweet. I recommend it, highly!

Also, the Cooti...I mean Seile...I mean "Debbie Does Dalla... no wait, I mean Seiler, sent something in.

This is EXACTLY what happens when I get a missive from Jeff...

Hi, Matt--Since Dave called a coupla days ago and updated me on the status of several projects, and informed me that, no, he wasn't mad at me, I thought another piece of fake news was in order.  Thus:

DEEP TH...er...DEEP RIVER, ON:  A Moment of Cerebus (AMOC) has learned from a highly-placed source *outside* of The Off-White House, who spoke on the condition of anonymity due to not wanting to piss off the *only* highly-placed source *inside* The Off-White House, that there is no news on the Black Boxes.  The current fund-raising auctions have first priority and then the Black Boxes will follow.  Seeking juuust the right amount of glossy black overlay to the cardboard has, apparently, proven to be difficult.

The highly-placed source (and we stress) *outside* of The Off-White House, who (say it with me) spoke on the condition of anonymity due to not wanting to further piss off the *only* highly-placed source *inside* The Off-White House, went on to add that there is a new (gasp!) Secret Project in the works that will show up after the Black Box project.More, later.  Back to you, Jane.

Regards,Jeff Seiler 

So, there you go. More from our "anonymous" source. CRAP! It was supposed to be "anonymous". Forget I said it was from Jeff. (It'll be our *little* secret.)

Next Time: "Say Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?"

"Let me see your blog, blog, let me see your blog" Bloggymail #3

Hi, Everybody!

First:

The Saga continues...

Anyway, THIS:

Your ol' Interim Editor Matt Dow here. Today, I thought we'd take a look back at Dave Sim's Blog & Mail. Specifically, the third one. With my then-commentary.


Preamble: Dave Sim's Blog & Mail ran on the Cerebus Yahoo group from September 13th, 2006 to December 26th, 2007. And...no, that's pretty much all you needed to know. I used to call it the "bloggymail" because in Spanish, "and" is "y", and I thought "Blog y Mail" sounded funny, or something. Dude, it was a decade ago. Wait do you want? Anyway,

On 9/15/06, Dave Sim < dsim@nonexistente-mail.net > wrote:

Friday September 15 –

Today's Blog & Mail is brought to you by the Theory of Relativity.

The Theory of Relativity. It Wants Back into Today's Headlines

And it's willing to use modern marketing methods to do it!

But, I have to ask: What has the Theory of Relativity done for me lately?  Schrodinger's Cat Paradox helped bring in the groceries last night.  AND did the dishes without having to be asked.

We'll be back after this short commercial message

Alright.

Hey, Cerebus Retailers!

Answer your phone in the month of September with the phrase that pays:

"Cerebus Doesn't Actually Suck—it's just those idiots on the Comics Journal message boards that make it sound like it does!"

and you could win $5,000 in Cerebus Merchandise!

Who from? We don't know, but there must be somebody

Who'll give you $5,000 in Cerebus merchandise to answer your phone that way!

Um...I think I'll pass on mentioning this one to Jed.  (Yes, my local retailer is named Jed.  I believe it's short for Jedediah.)

Plans for the "YE BOOKES OF CEREBUS" exhibit and performance are continuing for Salt Lake City at the end of October (a few days after the end of Ramadan).

If we get the car loan, Paula and I will be there.  Of course, we'll have to pull a "Seiler" and drive for a day.  But SHE wants to go.  I'm not the one dragging her along.

Performance? Mimi Cruz is putting together a power point presentation of the first 40 pages of The Last Day which I'll be reading while it's projected behind me (or possibly "onto me" if we can't get the big auditorium).

Ha!  "Dave sure gets into Cerebus!"

Should run about three hours with a nice intermission in the middle.

Will there be punch? 'Cause I'm a sucker for good punch.

Our pitch to the book festival patrons? "GIVE US 15 MINUTES AND WE BET YOU STAY FOR THE WHOLE THING."

You're gonna disobey the fire marshall and lock the doors aren't you?

This will be followed by a Q&A and autographing session and that's what will be on all the advertising and promotion of the event in Salt Lake City. What we're hoping to do right here and now, however, is to let all you Yahoos know that GER AND I WILL BE AVAILABLE FROM NOON ON even though the actual program won't begin until, as advertised, later in the afternoon.

Yippee!  If turn-out is low, I can be annoying.  (Not that I wanna be annoying, I just feel that I turn annoying.)  ((I may need help.))

That is, just between Ger, me and the Yahoos, Ger will be in the actual exhibit room from noon on and I'll be inside the auditorium from noon on if you want anything autographed or just want to drop by and chat.

And in my case, be annoying.

We hate like heck to see Yahoos having to wait in line behind Non-Yahoos

Damn Right!  And can we bump Lenny Cooper too?  (Just kidding L nny.)

(Or "Soohays" I guess you would call them)

As good a name as any.  I case.

AND HUSBAND-AND-WIFE NIGHT FLIGHT COMICS IMPRESSARIOS ALAN CARROLL AND MIMI CRUZ DID A HECK OF A JOB PUTTING TOGETHER THE SINGLE BEST-ATTENDED CEREBUS STORE SIGNING FOR ME BACK IN 1994

Cool.

so there may be a number of Soohays in attendance twelve years later on.

Crap.

Of course there may not (THE 1994 SIGNING WAS THE LAST SIGNING BEFORE ISSUE 186 CAME OUT)

Coo...Cra... Hey guys, how are we handling this one?

but the invitation includes Yahoos in full standing as well as lurkers (feel free to just stare at all of us from begind a nearby pillar)

Man I hope they don't.  That's just freaky.  All these people in Fedoras, sunglasses, and trench coats standing behind pillars.  And there aren't any pillared structures around.  They bring their own freestanding pillars.  Creepy.

and anyone else who isn't still sulking about issue 186 TWELVE YEARS LATER!

Well Dave, to be fair.  You did call them "whiny crybabies who never let anything go."

BULLETIN! BULLETIN! BULLETIN! UBER-YAHOO MATT "YEAH I'M MARRIED NOW: WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING OF IT?" DOW NO LONGER LIVES AT 2115 MONROE STREET IN TWO RIVERS, WISCONSIN.

Haven't for two years now.

WE REPEAT: MATT DOW NO LONGER LIVES AT 2115 MONROE STREET IN TWO RIVERS WISCONSIN.

And you've sent me at least two letters and two packages at the new address.

THIS INFORMATION CAME TO LIGHT WHEN A LETTER ADDRESSED TO HIM WAS RETURNED WITH A CHECK MARK NEXT TO "NOT DELIVERABLE AS ADDRESSED".

Yup.  The six month forwarding period ran out.

IT IS ALSO ADORNED WITH A YELLOW STICKER READING: DOW-115 542412005 1N 09 07/01/06 (ONLY ONE INTEGER OFF FROM E. HOWARD HUNT'S CIA FILE NUMBER. COINCIDENCE? HAHA! AS IF!)

Why my good friends G. Gordan Liddy and Henry Kissinger, I mean "TWO STRANGERS WHOM I'VE NEVER MET, MUCH LESS GIVEN MONEY TO." always say that that was a clerical error.

AND "UNABLE TO FORWARD", "NO FORWARD ORDER ON FILE" AND "RETURN TO POSTMASTER OF ADDRESSEE FOR REVIEW" AS WELL AS HALF A BAR CODE.

The other half doesn't work for MI-6 Dave.  No matter what the photos show.

IN A LATE-BREAKING DEVELOPMENT A STRANGE CANCELLATION MESSAGE APPEARS ON THE ENVELOPE READING: "FROM ANYWHERE TO ANYONE" AND (EN FRANCAIS) "DE PARTOUT JUSQU-A VOUS" (ROUGHLY TRANSLATED "BLOW IT OUT YOUR EAR, ANGLO SWINE"). THE LETTER HAS BEEN SITTING IN GERHARD'S IN-BOX FOR ABOUT SIX WEEKS NOW (HIS SUBTLE WAY OF INQUIRING "WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS?" THE FIRST WEEK AND "CAN YOU PLEASE REMOVE THIS FROM MY IN-BOX?" IN EACH OF THE SUBSEQUENT FIVE WEEKS)

It's all a plot to drive him mad.

AND IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY CONTAINS A DRAWING OF FAMOUS MATT DOW CARTOON CREATION "BONER THE RUNT DOG"

Ha!  "Famous".  Well maybe now because:

BY YOURS TRULY

You're making my Boner famous. (That sentence makes me feel dirty.)

(SEE www.yourstruly.com.) (THAT WAS A JOKE, BY THE WAY,YOU WWW.COMPUTEROBSESSESSEDPAVLOVIANDOGS.COM).

"Say, what was the name of the band that first recorded 'WWW.COMPUTEROBSESSESSEDPAVLOVIANDOGS.COM '?"

If either Matt or his lovely bride can email Ger a new address maybe we can move this project forward sometime before Christmas and Boner can find a new home (NO CRACKS, PLEASE).

Done.  But just in case Ger didn't get my address to you, or you didn't get my latest Oh-no-what-did-the-furry-weirdo-send-now package, it is:

Matt Dow

1615 1/2 Washington St.

Two Rivers, WI 54241 USA

Or as Canadian customs likes it:

MATTHEW M. DOW

1615 1/2 WASHINGTON ST.

TWO RIVERS, WI 54241 USA

_________________________________________________________________________________________

For the record, I don't live there anymore either.

But feel free to send the secret Asian man who bought the place whatever you want.

Next time: "Wait, he's gonna keep doing this?"

Breaking: Black Box-Gate (Major Revelations!)

Hi, Everybody!

I got another "missive" from our old pal "Debbie Does Dallas":

IS THE LEAK AT YOUR HOUSE?  STAY TUNED FOR "PLUMBING THE DEPTHS" AT 1O P.M. EASTERN TIME

TWO RIVERS, WI--A Moment of Cerebus' highly-placed source, who is familiar with the matter, speaking (sigh) once again on the condition of anonymity has sent another dispatch.  To Matt Dow's house.

According to the source, who used to be "high-placed", but who (after the Grammar Police got to him) has become a "highly-placed" source, "there is not really much breaking news.  Back to you, Brad."

AMOC is not really sure who Brad is.  There was a Brian who used to work here, but AMOC thinks he went off to study whales...or, something...

Aaaanyway, Matt Dow told the highly-placed source, according to AMOC, that he would prefer not to get dispatches sent directly to his house.

"It wakes up the kids," he said.

Additionally, the highly-placed source , who is (very) familiar with the matter at hand, and is still speaking on the condition of anonymity (because, you know, he can), spoke about the Black Boxes.

"They're still gonna be * black* boxes and the first one (OWHBB#1) will have four OWH one-of-ones and six more very rare OWH copies.  Back to you, Brad."

More updates as they come in.

No they won't.

Because I got a message from "Debbie Does Dallas's"  source.

(That's right, Matt's got da skillz. Da skillz 2 pay da billz!)

Anyway, I can confidently reveal that "Debbie Does Dallas" is none other than:

(pause for dramatic effect)

JEFF SEILER (DUN! DUN! DUN!!!) (Also, the call is coming from inside the house. The cops say you should GET OUT! GET OUT NOW!)

And, the anonymous confidential source, speaking on the condition of anonymity because he isn't authorized to discuss it, said:

For an "un-redacted" copy of this message, send $300 (American) to A Moment Of Cerebus, in small unmarked bills

Oh WHO could this Off-White House source be?!? I mean, it could be ANYBODY...who works at the Off-White House... Dave, it's Dave. You guys figured that out, right?

So now that Jeff Seiler has been UNMASKED(!!!) as the vile, unrepentant, leaking, whistle-blowing scum he is... something something something... (I admit, that sentence kinda got away from me.)

An AMOC recreation of: How Jeff Got Involved In "Black Box-Gate"

Now that we all know Jeff is one of the "inside people," he can start answering the BIG questions:

1. What did he know?
2. When did he know it?
3. How much is he gonna pay to keep me from posting about it?
4. How shiny is TOO shiny for the Black Boxes?
5. What are we gonna obsess about now?

Next time: Jeff's denials: The Cover-Up Begins...

Boxes? Boxes? We don't need no stinkin' Boxes!

Hi, Everybody!

If you're like me, there's only one thing on your mind:

Pro tip: If you're asking Morgan Freeman, it's probably Gwyneth Paltrow's head...

That's right Debbie Does Dallas has sent in the following:

WASHINGTON, DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA--A Moment Of Cerebus has received another dispatch from its high-placed source, who is familiar with the matter at hand, speaking once again on the condition of anonymity.

The high-placed source said, "You know, I'm really getting tired of going to these dank, cold, underground parking garages.  Can't we talk somewhere warmer?  And why did I have to come 》here《 to call you, huh?

"What?  Oh.  Yeah, I got nothin' new on them damn black boxes.  I mean, they're black, they have a rectangular shape, they got labels, and the first has four one-of-ones, plus six others.  What more do ya want?

"Geez, it's cold in here!  Next time, somewhere warm, awright?  And tell that chick...um...Debbie, I think it was, to stop stalking me.  You think I'm cold?  You shoulda seen her..."

The high-placed source's dispatch got cut off there.

No they didn't, that was the entirety of the message.

*sigh*

Next time: I dunno, I just don't know anymore... 

Cerebus in Matt's Life: Part the AH DAMNIT!!!

Hi, Everybody!

So back in 1993, my bestest friend C.J. drew this image:

All characters except Cerebus, copyright 1993, 2018 C.J. Cerebus copyright Dave Sim 2018

Here's a better look at the fella in the lower middle:

I'm fairly certain this is based of off Todd's Cerebus from Spawn #10

Anyway, we WORLD'S ELITE GATHERED TO DISCUSS THE INCREASING VALUE OF COMICS

DAVOS, SW.--According to a high-placed source, familiar with the matter, speaking on the condition of anonymity, last week's World Economic Summit (WES) here in Davos included discussions of the increasing value of comic books.

AMOC's reporter, dispatched to Davos (check out the snow bunnies!), said, "check out the snow bunnies!  No, really!  They're so cute, how their noses get all crinkly and they dig at the snow with their hind paws and..."

"Once redirected to his task," said the anonymous source, "AMOC's reporter reported that the WES voted unanimously that comic books were not particularly high on their agenda."  Nevertheless, the world's elite appointed a panel to investigate the economical feasibility of the so-called Black Boxes.

"Just keep my name out of this, okay," the anonymous, high-placed source pleaded.  According to the high-placed source, who (obviously) is familiar with the matter, but continues to speak on the condition of anonymity for fear that "a double agent might find out my home address and overfeed my dog, leading to doggie diabetes," the anonymous source's puppy-dawg is "a very good boy".

It was not made immediately clear to AMOC just how and when the Black Boxes would be made available, but AMOC's source did promise more direct information would be forthcoming as soon as the source could speak without condition of anonymity.

 GAH! Damn it Debbie Does Dallas! Don't do that!!!

Next time: I dunno, but I guarantee Debbie Does Dallas is gonna show up and ruin it... 

Tackling the opioid crisis, just say no! (Dave's Weekly Update #220)

Hi, Everybody!

Heeeeeere's Dave:

Problems viewing this video? Watch directly on YouTube...

And then there's this:

OFF-WHITE HOUSE LEAK!

Kitchener, ON--A Moment Of Cerebus has learned, according to a high-placed source who is familiar with the matter and who is speaking on the condition of anonymity, that Dave Sim will, within the next few months, begin putting up for auction Off-White House Black Boxes.

According to the source, the so-called Black Boxes, each with an official Off-White House label affixed, will be auctioned at an online auction house that has not yet been determined.

"I have been told by Mr. Sim that it is up to me to determine the best, most user-friendly auction house to utilize, so I will be doing the due diligence soon," said the anonymous source.

The source went on to say that each Black Box will contain ten of the rarest, but not necessarily earliest, Off-White House back issues of Cerebus.  Each bagged and boarded copy will have been signed by Mr. Sim, with the initials OWH added.  The source added that only copies of Cerebus that are in the Off-White House collection will be contained in the Black Boxes.

The anonymous source added that more information will be forthcoming, if the source obtains clearance to speak to the matter further.

Yeah...so, stay tuned and stuff...

Next time: More from "Debbie Does Dallas" as it comes in... (I feel dirty. I'ma gonna go take a shower until NEXT Friday... )