"Let me see your blog, blog, let me see your blog" Bloggymail #3

Hi, Everybody!

First:

The Saga continues...

Anyway, THIS:

Your ol' Interim Editor Matt Dow here. Today, I thought we'd take a look back at Dave Sim's Blog & Mail. Specifically, the third one. With my then-commentary.


Preamble: Dave Sim's Blog & Mail ran on the Cerebus Yahoo group from September 13th, 2006 to December 26th, 2007. And...no, that's pretty much all you needed to know. I used to call it the "bloggymail" because in Spanish, "and" is "y", and I thought "Blog y Mail" sounded funny, or something. Dude, it was a decade ago. Wait do you want? Anyway,

On 9/15/06, Dave Sim < dsim@nonexistente-mail.net > wrote:

Friday September 15 –

Today's Blog & Mail is brought to you by the Theory of Relativity.

The Theory of Relativity. It Wants Back into Today's Headlines

And it's willing to use modern marketing methods to do it!

But, I have to ask: What has the Theory of Relativity done for me lately?  Schrodinger's Cat Paradox helped bring in the groceries last night.  AND did the dishes without having to be asked.

We'll be back after this short commercial message

Alright.

Hey, Cerebus Retailers!

Answer your phone in the month of September with the phrase that pays:

"Cerebus Doesn't Actually Suck—it's just those idiots on the Comics Journal message boards that make it sound like it does!"

and you could win $5,000 in Cerebus Merchandise!

Who from? We don't know, but there must be somebody

Who'll give you $5,000 in Cerebus merchandise to answer your phone that way!

Um...I think I'll pass on mentioning this one to Jed.  (Yes, my local retailer is named Jed.  I believe it's short for Jedediah.)

Plans for the "YE BOOKES OF CEREBUS" exhibit and performance are continuing for Salt Lake City at the end of October (a few days after the end of Ramadan).

If we get the car loan, Paula and I will be there.  Of course, we'll have to pull a "Seiler" and drive for a day.  But SHE wants to go.  I'm not the one dragging her along.

Performance? Mimi Cruz is putting together a power point presentation of the first 40 pages of The Last Day which I'll be reading while it's projected behind me (or possibly "onto me" if we can't get the big auditorium).

Ha!  "Dave sure gets into Cerebus!"

Should run about three hours with a nice intermission in the middle.

Will there be punch? 'Cause I'm a sucker for good punch.

Our pitch to the book festival patrons? "GIVE US 15 MINUTES AND WE BET YOU STAY FOR THE WHOLE THING."

You're gonna disobey the fire marshall and lock the doors aren't you?

This will be followed by a Q&A and autographing session and that's what will be on all the advertising and promotion of the event in Salt Lake City. What we're hoping to do right here and now, however, is to let all you Yahoos know that GER AND I WILL BE AVAILABLE FROM NOON ON even though the actual program won't begin until, as advertised, later in the afternoon.

Yippee!  If turn-out is low, I can be annoying.  (Not that I wanna be annoying, I just feel that I turn annoying.)  ((I may need help.))

That is, just between Ger, me and the Yahoos, Ger will be in the actual exhibit room from noon on and I'll be inside the auditorium from noon on if you want anything autographed or just want to drop by and chat.

And in my case, be annoying.

We hate like heck to see Yahoos having to wait in line behind Non-Yahoos

Damn Right!  And can we bump Lenny Cooper too?  (Just kidding L nny.)

(Or "Soohays" I guess you would call them)

As good a name as any.  I case.

AND HUSBAND-AND-WIFE NIGHT FLIGHT COMICS IMPRESSARIOS ALAN CARROLL AND MIMI CRUZ DID A HECK OF A JOB PUTTING TOGETHER THE SINGLE BEST-ATTENDED CEREBUS STORE SIGNING FOR ME BACK IN 1994

Cool.

so there may be a number of Soohays in attendance twelve years later on.

Crap.

Of course there may not (THE 1994 SIGNING WAS THE LAST SIGNING BEFORE ISSUE 186 CAME OUT)

Coo...Cra... Hey guys, how are we handling this one?

but the invitation includes Yahoos in full standing as well as lurkers (feel free to just stare at all of us from begind a nearby pillar)

Man I hope they don't.  That's just freaky.  All these people in Fedoras, sunglasses, and trench coats standing behind pillars.  And there aren't any pillared structures around.  They bring their own freestanding pillars.  Creepy.

and anyone else who isn't still sulking about issue 186 TWELVE YEARS LATER!

Well Dave, to be fair.  You did call them "whiny crybabies who never let anything go."

BULLETIN! BULLETIN! BULLETIN! UBER-YAHOO MATT "YEAH I'M MARRIED NOW: WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING OF IT?" DOW NO LONGER LIVES AT 2115 MONROE STREET IN TWO RIVERS, WISCONSIN.

Haven't for two years now.

WE REPEAT: MATT DOW NO LONGER LIVES AT 2115 MONROE STREET IN TWO RIVERS WISCONSIN.

And you've sent me at least two letters and two packages at the new address.

THIS INFORMATION CAME TO LIGHT WHEN A LETTER ADDRESSED TO HIM WAS RETURNED WITH A CHECK MARK NEXT TO "NOT DELIVERABLE AS ADDRESSED".

Yup.  The six month forwarding period ran out.

IT IS ALSO ADORNED WITH A YELLOW STICKER READING: DOW-115 542412005 1N 09 07/01/06 (ONLY ONE INTEGER OFF FROM E. HOWARD HUNT'S CIA FILE NUMBER. COINCIDENCE? HAHA! AS IF!)

Why my good friends G. Gordan Liddy and Henry Kissinger, I mean "TWO STRANGERS WHOM I'VE NEVER MET, MUCH LESS GIVEN MONEY TO." always say that that was a clerical error.

AND "UNABLE TO FORWARD", "NO FORWARD ORDER ON FILE" AND "RETURN TO POSTMASTER OF ADDRESSEE FOR REVIEW" AS WELL AS HALF A BAR CODE.

The other half doesn't work for MI-6 Dave.  No matter what the photos show.

IN A LATE-BREAKING DEVELOPMENT A STRANGE CANCELLATION MESSAGE APPEARS ON THE ENVELOPE READING: "FROM ANYWHERE TO ANYONE" AND (EN FRANCAIS) "DE PARTOUT JUSQU-A VOUS" (ROUGHLY TRANSLATED "BLOW IT OUT YOUR EAR, ANGLO SWINE"). THE LETTER HAS BEEN SITTING IN GERHARD'S IN-BOX FOR ABOUT SIX WEEKS NOW (HIS SUBTLE WAY OF INQUIRING "WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS?" THE FIRST WEEK AND "CAN YOU PLEASE REMOVE THIS FROM MY IN-BOX?" IN EACH OF THE SUBSEQUENT FIVE WEEKS)

It's all a plot to drive him mad.

AND IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY CONTAINS A DRAWING OF FAMOUS MATT DOW CARTOON CREATION "BONER THE RUNT DOG"

Ha!  "Famous".  Well maybe now because:

BY YOURS TRULY

You're making my Boner famous. (That sentence makes me feel dirty.)

(SEE www.yourstruly.com.) (THAT WAS A JOKE, BY THE WAY,YOU WWW.COMPUTEROBSESSESSEDPAVLOVIANDOGS.COM).

"Say, what was the name of the band that first recorded 'WWW.COMPUTEROBSESSESSEDPAVLOVIANDOGS.COM '?"

If either Matt or his lovely bride can email Ger a new address maybe we can move this project forward sometime before Christmas and Boner can find a new home (NO CRACKS, PLEASE).

Done.  But just in case Ger didn't get my address to you, or you didn't get my latest Oh-no-what-did-the-furry-weirdo-send-now package, it is:

Matt Dow

1615 1/2 Washington St.

Two Rivers, WI 54241 USA

Or as Canadian customs likes it:

MATTHEW M. DOW

1615 1/2 WASHINGTON ST.

TWO RIVERS, WI 54241 USA

_________________________________________________________________________________________

For the record, I don't live there anymore either.

But feel free to send the secret Asian man who bought the place whatever you want.

Next time: "Wait, he's gonna keep doing this?"