Anyway, he said:
ANNDDDD….THEY’RE OFF! RIGHT OUT OF THE GATE, PLEASE-HOLD-FOR-DAVE-SIM AND TOUR-DIARY ’82 ARE BOTH LOOKING STRONG! STARTING DONATION BY MATT DOW SPLIT EQUALLY PUTS THEM NECK AND NECK! COMING ROUND THE FIRST BEND, AND WE HAVE ANOTHER EQUAL DONATION! REPEAT! ANOTHER EQUALLY SPLIT DONATION FOR $10 BY A DONOR! YOU CAN FEEL THE EXCITEMENT BUZZING IN THE AIR HERE AT THE KITCHENER RACE TRACK!
BOTH HORSES ON EVEN FOOTING NOW, KEEPING THE PACE AND YOU CAN SEE THE RIDERS TAKING EACH OTHER’S MEASURE, FOCUSSING ON...WE HAVE A $50 DONATION FOR ’82 TOUR DIARY!! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ’82 HAS PULLED AWAY AND TAKEN THE LEAD! PLEASE-HOLD IS FALLING BEHIND AS ’82 NOW GAINS THE ADVANTAGE!
BUT WHAT’S THIS? A $28 DONATION FOR PLEASE-HOLD! FOLLOWED BY A $10 DONATION FOR PLEASE-HOLD! NEVER IN MY 5 MINUTES OF RACE-TRACK ANNOUNCING HAVE I WITNESSED SUCH SPIRIT, SUCH ATHLETICISM, SUCH GRACE, SUCH ACHIEVEMENT OF THE HUMAN (OR AARDVARKIAN) SPIRIT!! WILL PLEASE-HOLD BE ABLE TO CATCH-UP IN TIME BEFORE THE END OF THE FIRST SESSION? THE CROWD IS ON THE EDGE OF THEIR SEATS!
COMING ROUND THE BEND NOW, ’82 TOUR DIARY STILL IN THE LEAD BUT PLEASE-HOLD TRYING HARD TO CATCH UP, AS BOTH HORSES ARE LOCKED INTO THEIR STEADY GALLOPS IN A RACE THAT COULD GO EITHER… A $5 DONATION FOR ’82!! JUST AS IT CROSSES THE FIRST HURDLE!
THAT’S $62(CDN) FOR TOUR-DIARY ’82 AND $45(CDN) FOR PLEASE-HOLD AT THE FIRST INTERMISSION!!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE’LL BE BACK FOR THE CONTINUATION OF THIS EXCITING RACE AFTER A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR: DIGIACOMO LUGGAGE: “WHEN YOU CAN’T TELL IF YOU’RE COMING OR GOING, MAKE SURE YOU DO IT IN STYLE...”
Well, it could go either way, kinda depends on you guys and gals...
And if you're a "Please Holder", Dave has all the questions I sent for April, so if that was you, he has them, but anybody else can get in on this by sending in your questions to momentofcerebus@gmail.com. And backing the Please Hold horse, or else you're just pissing in the wind...
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