Benjamin Hobbs:
Last week, the CEREBUS BRAIN TRUST sat down at the Aardvark Vanaheim Bullpen to determine which ALL NEW, ALL DIFFERENT "ELITE" tiers will be offered in the next POSTCARD FROM HELL Kickstarter campaign (The postcards from the previous campaign are printed and will go out THIS WEEK! We appreciate all the support we've received!):
$6,500 - One of us will come to your house, hold your hand while you drive to your LCS and point out the newest issue of CIH?! (Comic not included.) (Not valid if we have to climb any stairs.)
$7,500 - Same as above, but we'll climb a set of stairs.
$9,000 - Same as above, but we'll look at pictures of your cat before heading out to your LCS.
$10,000 - We sign and hand deliver a copy of CIH? to your door! No LCS visit needed!
$11,005 - We'll sign, personalize, and MAIL you a copy a week before it hits stands! (And you can keep the cat pics to yourself...)
$12,000 - A special all-your-cat in Hell? Issue. Except Hell? is really nice with lots of treats and belly rubs.
$12,055 - We feed a complete run of Cerebus in Hell? to your cat, then hold your hand in the Vet's waiting room...
$13,000 - We'll sign and personalize your cat pictures. Limit 25 pictures per pledge. Limit 3 pledges per partner.
$14,000 - We'll come to your house and walk your dog while you read the CiH? issue.
$15,000 - We'll put your dog on a tread mill and read the newest issue of CIH to you. We'll even do non-canonical funny voices.
$16,000 - REDACTED (This one was just TOO AWESOME.)
$17,000 - We'll sic your dog AND cat on one person of your choice! AND read you the new issue, give you a preview of the first six pages of the next issue, and let you buy us lunch.
$18,000 - All of the above and Dave will give you a Swedish massage with his good hand.
$20,000 - You DO know that for this much you could buy a new car, right?
$21,000 - You DO realize a new automobile loses a third of its value as soon as you drive it off the lot, right? And that you could buy three perfectly serviceable used Pontiacs for this amount, each with power steering and their own funny canonical GPS voices, right?
$25,000 - Dave Sim will come to your house and MAKE you an issue of CIH?. (You got a photocopier at home? No? Get one.)
What future tiers do YOU want to see on upcoming POSTCARD FROM HELL Kickstarters? Let us know in the comments!
Next Week: We react to the unexpected blow-back from all of the non-elite AMOC readers.
4 comments:
LMFAO! If I had $18,000 I would absolutely force Dave to massage me just to be an ass.
"$20,000 - You DO know that for this much you could buy a new car, right?"
HUH? MAYBE a bottom-of-the-line Kia - but I doubt it.
Tony- rest assured no one working on CIH has ever purchased a new car.
Whenever I get Dave on the phone (and I swear I'm not making this up), my cat wakes up, climbs out of his baxxet, and sits on my lap, listening to Dave's voice. My cat also likes Donald and Keifer Sutherland's voices. My cat is a clandestine Canadian spy. Dressed in grey. But he never even ventures out into the cold.
When I asked Dave about his voice, he responded that it took decades of Jack Daniels and cigarettes to get it thataways. Thank God he gave those up.
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