When Your Creator Tells It Like It Is

MARGARET LISS:

A few years ago I scanned all of Dave Sim's notebooks. He had filled 36 notebooks during the years he created the monthly Cerebus series, covering issues #20 to 300, plus the other side items -- like the Epic stories, posters and prints, convention speeches etc. A total of 3,281 notebook pages detailing his creative process. I never really got the time to study the notebooks when I had them. Just did a quick look, scanned them in and sent them back to Dave as soon as possible. So this regular column is a chance for me to look through those scans and highlight some of the more interesting pages.

It has been over a year since we last saw a couple pages from Dave Sim’s 30th notebook in Hurtling Through Dark Realms. The notebook had 73 pages scanned and 25 pages missing and was labeled by Dave with just ‘Minds Rehearsal’. At 5” x 3” notebook #3 contains mostly writing, just walls of text, of what Dave has to say to Cerebus.

On page 44 and 45 Dave says to Cerebus that what Cerebus really wants to know is ‘does she still love you.’ And Dave’s answer is: No. She doesn’t. 

Dave then goes why Jaka doesn’t love Cerebus:

To her, you happened a long time ago. In retrospect when she thinks of you at all it is as the one who didn’t come back to her. It is unfortunate in affairs of the heart that timing really is everything. Jaka must be the center of someone’s world in order to love them and you have made it plain in a hundred different ways that whatever does exist at the center of your world it is not her.

Notebook #30, pages 44 & 45

At the bottom of page 45 and on page 46, Dave tells Cerebus what Dave is going to do next:

I will return you to your world soon, to whatever it is that you most want to be. There are three distinct possibilities. Depending on which one you choose, your remaining life will follow three different courses.  There is not much time left to you. If I had to note you progress to date, my assessment would be that is has been meager, but not insignificant. It was my choice as to whether to restore you ear and I have chosen not to. Your life has been a series of self amputations, exhibiting an inability and an unwillingness to see.

Notebook #30, pages 46 & 47

Whew, harsh. You can see that the next page goes to cover number boxes and doesn’t finish Dave’s thought of what Cerebus has an unwillingness to see.